The Search is over

By: Ma. Aloha Capin

Remembering, I once walked along the road commonly travelled by people.  I was with few companions. We longed, longed and longed for something.We turned to various streets. I don’t know for them, but as for me, I was sure I was always in pain. As I took a step closer again to that unknown direction to seek for temporary pleasure, my tears were flowing down. I was alone -- very alone. I was with them, but still it seemed I was with no one. I looked around and I saw none except people who, like me, are in their rustle and bustle. I got tired in the midst of the road and so I stopped.

I was once a shy and sensitive girl. I kept things with me. I hated pains more than I hated horror movies. I would say I refuse the beauty of things around; I refused intimate relationships with my family and friends. I thought of life back then as simply “tears”. I longed for something, and I jumped from group to group, comfort zones to comfort zones and hobbies to hobbies—the reason why I was branded, “the universal friend.” I thought this world could satisfy the thirst I have been feeling since the day I asked myself with quite a number of questions.

“What is really my purpose in life?”

“How could I attain TRUE peace and happiness?”

“Why did I often feel empty despite success?”

As I played with such questions, I was able to turn my head up high. I was enlightened to see that the earth was crying with me. He was sad too. Like me, He burst in tears.

I wailed, He cried. When I was hurting, He felt the same. Seeing me cry tore Him apart. Knowing this, I finally said, “The Search is over”.

Reminiscing, I was in darkness for about 3 years. It was not probably because I have been far from home since the day I turned eleven, but it was because I was longing; not because I had never known Him, but because I failed to see Him; not because I was never encouraged to draw close to Him, but because I was too engrossed of the temporary pleasure I had thought this world could give me.

         
         In Him alone really is the strength, in Him alone is the TRUE happiness. I don’t need to seek for it around, I don’t need to succeed in all my undertakings for me to be happy. I don’t need to do something else than to turn my head up high. He is Happiness, He is Peace and He is the one I have been searching for all my life.

The journey indeed had been a bit tough for me. I was never satisfied. I was probably too young to understand that life is indeed not about seeking and seeking, it is about looking within and realizing that I was created in His image. He never had left me from the moment I was conceived. He had guided me through it all.

          Now that I have found Him, I say, “Life is amazing!” Life is not about tears at all, it can mean happiness. It is further pleasing Him by appreciating the people around; creating moments of being together.

Now, life is not like how I thought it was way back then.