(Confessions of a
Student- Mother)
Same,
Alyn Q.
Kkrrrriinnnnnnngggggg!
Sleepily, I carefully crawl my hands
toward the bedside table and quickly tap the top of my alarm clock to stop it from
ringing. It’s 3:30 in the morning; my thoughts are awake and my heavy eyes tell
me to get a little rest, yet my timetables for the day remind me to get up
right away.
I slowly roll to my left, and
cautiously lift myself up from bed so I would not disturb this little creature
sleeping beside me. I tip toe pacing the bathroom and make a 15-minute bath;
now, I am totally awake. I go to the kitchen after taking a bath to cook
breakfast for everybody, when I hear my baby crying. Yes, I have a baby---I
mean, babies. They’re twins: Grant andCerynise, the latter was with me since
last night, the first was with me the other night. Beau, the father of my kids,
and I, take turns each night to where our kids would stay. Grant is with him in
their house, for we do not stay in the same roof together.
It had been 3 years since I’ve been
with Beau. We were college sophomores and just like other young lovers, we fell
in love with each other so hard and deep, then the twins came after 6 months.
We were very young then, but we needed to take our responsibilities for our
kids as their parents. I was afraid to tell my papa and mama about my pregnancy
because for sure they would throw me out from home so Beau informed his parents
about our situation.
Heavens did give compassion to us.
Beau’s family understood the situation yet I could not stay with them for my
family might wonder what could had happened to me if I would not be around.
Hence I hid my pregnancy for 5 months. I was experiencing morning sicknessbut I
had seen to it that I was careful enough not to let anybody know about it. Beau
tried to buy all the food I craved for. My tummy got bigger each month that it
made my pregnancy obvious to my mama. I could not hide it any longer so I took
the courage to confess it to them. Papa wanted to slap me, but he held his hand
knowing that I am with a child. He did nothing but wail and cry, and mama just
cried silently. I felt that I am a disgrace to my family. Papa had even uttered
that I am a big shame and that they regretted raising me expensively. I knew I
was wrong and it was not the time yet for me to explain everything to them and
so I just cried and asked for their forgiveness. Mama hugged me, and so papa,
and that made me burst into tears. There was silence for a moment, and a
whisper of prayer uttered by my papa made me cry even more. I couldn’t believe
they loved me that much. I knew forgiveness requires thousands of process-- but
for a single moment, my parents gave it to me.
I was relieved when both our parents
talked about our situation; my pregnancy, our studies, the wedding, our means
of income and living together. Since my tummy’s already getting more noticeable,
I had to quit school. Beau also decided to staunch so he could find job. Fortunately,
he was hired as a clerk in the Provincial Office. Our situation then was really
hard and some adjustments have to be done by the two of us that we barely meet
each other. He would go to his parent’s home, while I stayed here in our house
sort of hiding from the mouth of the neighbors and acquaintances.
When I had my first pre-natal and
ultrasound, the doctor finds out that I am with twins, yet we need to wait for
two months to clearly determine what their gender are. That day came. I was so
happy to know that I am to have a boy and a girl. My due would be on the middle
of September.
Feeling near to my true happiness;
everything was well prepared, Beau saved all his salary for my delivery needs
and our parents were very busy buying baby stuffs. I was brought to the
hospital when I felt my first labor pains and sent to the delivery room when my
water broke. An hour later, my twins arrived healthily, and I felt like I am
the happiest mom on earth cuddling my first born kids in my both arms. Beau
became emotional when he saw his kids; he kissed me in the forehead and kissed
the twin’s hands. And there started the “happiness” that we thought.
For the first 5 months, Beau and I happily
lived together and took care of the babies hand in hand. We spent so many
sleepless nights since we usually had to get up in the middle of the night to
meet each crying baby’s needs. It was indeed very tiring to us both and even to
Beau for he still has to work in the morning.
School opening on June 2011, Beau and
I agreed to go back to school since the twins are now on their 9th
month. Beau went back to live with his family, while I was left here in my
parent’s house with the twins. I know that was not a good idea because I would
have a hard time taking care of the babies at the same time but I cannot hold
him because he was not my husband yet.
Foreseeing that there would be no hope
for Beau and I to be made as one by marriage officially, I pursue my studies so
I could make a future for me and for the twins. I thanked God because my
parents supported my decisions. Mama hired a baby sitter for the twins while
I’d be out for school and I do my job as a mom on my vacant hours.
These had become my daily routine for 3
semesters now: I wake up early, cook breakfast for everybody, breastfeed the
twins before I would left for school, go home during my vacant hours to wean
the twins again and spend time with them, review my notes and sleep late at
night. I already felt the exhaustions and pains yet I had to be strong and
endure everything. I see it as a consequence of my being hard headed and rebellious
to my parents.
Beau visited his kids when he’s got a
time and often times brought the twins to their house for his parents to see
them and that made me renew the hope for our relationship. I loved Beau so
much, and I wanted our relationship to continually work but I did not want to
take the first move. I wanted him to decide for us, whether he’d marry me or
stay with this routine; I would respect whatever his decision would be.
I became so busy in school, in the
house and with the kids that I forgot to give myself a break. So I jokingly
quoted, “ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES LHENZIE A DULL GIRL”. I did not have a choice;
I entered to this so I must work for it.
July 17, 2013, I’m now in my senior
year and the twins are turning two. I know I cannot breathe success yet for I
still have less than a year to finish my Education degree with the grace of God
as well as my parents who never left me during these battles—
Kririring… kririring… I heard my phone
ringing and I was back to the present. Thankful that Cerynise went back to
sleep. I picked the phone and a husky voice greeted me “good morning”. I
greeted back, there was a pause, I listened to his heavy breathing and after a
while the person in the other line said, “Nanay, I want you to know that I love
you so. I may have failed to express it for around three years, but I swear I
never replaced you with someone else here in my heart. I admit I neglected your
presence because I became coward to face the reality that I am now a father. I
am so sorry I have left everything on you. I never helped you raising the kids;
I left you during bad times. I took your freedom away from you. But now I have
fully decided and I am now ready and willing to face my responsibilities; I
have a responsibility to Grant and Cerynise, and I have a responsibility to
you… because I love you.”
There was silence again and I found
myself out of words, aware of the tears that welled down my cheeks; I covered
my mouth with my hands so he will not hear the silent sobs of happiness. I love
him more! I love him indeed!
He then continued with a broken voice,
like he has been crying during those moments of silence, “Nanay, would you say
‘yes’ if I’d ask you out tonight?” I was very astonished and mouthed the word, “WHAT????”
I feel like I wanted to jumped out of the cloud nine, but I naively answered,
“Yes, Tatay.”
Oh, it had been a very long story, but
he proposed to me that night. Now I could proudly say:
“Good morning, class. I am Mrs.
ALLYNNA BIRMINGHAM. Welcome to your first day in the class.”
Post a Comment