By: Orate,
Devie Kate J.
There
were times that I felt that my world was so barren, defunct, and ruptured since
the day he deserted me. My ideal man, the one I dearly loved, left me hanging
alone, empty-handed, miserable, helpless, and bewildered. After all the
prolific moments we shared together, the bonding times we had when we talked
about the future---they were all gone. My sweet dream with him turned into a
dreadful nightmare. The days I’ve cherished with him vanished in the thin air
with just one glimpse and turned into ashes since the day he departed from me
without any permission. I am afraid to think back about the reason why’d he
left me. My visions of him are slowly fading, as the glimmer of light continued
to deem. However, totally forgetting everything about him had never been that
easy for me.
Many
years had passed and as the days rolled by, still I couldn’t move on from him.
His charm, it’s been very captivating. His firm stature was a sign that he
could carry me whenever I stumble down. His angelic face was still wandering in
my head, his masculine arms that held and warmed me during the lonely
nights---I missed them. Whenever I was in shame, the encouraging words from his
tender lips were my lofty comfort that gave me strength. He was the one who’s
always beside me, ready to lend a helping hand whenever I burst into tears due
to judgment and rejection of other people towards me. It gave me chills
whenever I hear his soothing voice saying; ‘You must take care of yourself, be
strong, fight as long as you know you are right, accept defeat and most
importantly, do not forget our Father up above.’ Those words from him were like
tape records that kept on playing in my mind. I could simply compare myself to
a warrior while he was my spear and my shield in dealing and surpassing
difficult hurdles in life. The very piece of him, was the medical transcription
of this wounded and helpless me deep within.
He
was always tattooed on my mind; his very being was buried inside my heart.
Whenever I heard stories about him, I faked a smile as if I was okay, yet behind
those pretentious smile was a voice deep within that said, ‘Wherever you are
right now, I hope you’re fine.’ I couldn’t compare anyone to him. He’s one of a
kind, a one in a million. My love and affection for him couldn’t be over
emphasized. He was exceptional.
Though
he ceased me and left my world with marks of him that tormented my heart;
amidst the scars he had caused me I’d like him to know that he had been my
inspiration why I kept going on with my life even if I am facing various
dilemmas. I thanked him for the wonderful memories that I’d never forget even
in my death bed. I would love him forever and as always even if he left my
simple world. Would I still be able to love a man like him after this first heartbreak
of mine? The answer was still vague, because only God could foresee what he
holds for me in store. He left me without even knowing how proud I was to meet
a person like him in my life. I miss him--- the personage behind my first
heartbreak, my true love, the man I could never ever forget--- my beloved father
who passed away a number of years ago.
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